I’m feeling extra sassy and bold this week. And I don’t know if it was celebrating Chinese New Year, or if it’s all the backlash on China (and the discrimination of Asians in general) regarding the Coronavirus outbreak…it’s probably all of the above and more. Whatever the trigger, I feel the need to share some raw thoughts with y’all. I’m not one to touch on many political or societal topics often. And I don’t even dabble in debates about my own culture or race. But things need to be said.

[I can’t believe I even need to make this disclaimer, but please understand that these are my personal thoughts based on my own personal experiences so in no way am I intending to offend anyone or bash on a certain group of people through this post].

Yes, this outbreak is a big deal. Especially with only a little known information regarding this new virus strain. There is a lot more research which needs to be done so this makes it seem very scary. But, we are letting the fear of something we don’t know about drive our judgements towards other people. People who are in no way at fault. In the past week, I’ve literally watched people AVOID being near anyone who is Asian on public transport. And as if that isn’t super racial enough, I’ve also heard people say things like, “Of course it came from China” or “As long as they’re not Chinese you’ll be okay”. Y’all, this is SO WRONG. I mean, how naive and ignorant can we be??!

Often when I chime in on topics regarding race, minorities, and even specifically Asians, people tend to give me a strange look or almost brush over what I have to say. Maybe it’s because I don’t look like I’m qualified to say anything on this topic, or maybe I just shouldn’t speak up? Or maybe it’s because I’m not quite qualified to be a “minority”? Well, I’ve come to realize that as a biracial female, I’m definitely qualified to speak on such things as I’m certainly a part of the minority.

Merriam Webster dictionary defines a minority as “a part of a population differing from others in some characteristics and often subjected to differential treatment” or as “the smaller in number of two groups constituting a whole”.

I feel like I’ve always struggled with identity and fitting into a “majority”. From a young age I would say I was very much in touch with my ethnic heritage. And I would have definitely said I identified more with Chinese culture over American culture. However, only in the last couple years have I come to realize that my ethnicity is actually the identity I’ve struggled with the most.

There are so many incredible movements and people out there who advocate for women, so nowadays females are more encouraged to be themselves and be empowered. As a female, I feel like I received the right motivation and opportunities through such things to know that I have complete freedom to embrace the power of femininity, and not let gender restrict me. However, I don’t think I truly experienced the empowerment and encouragement growing up which allowed me to fully embrace my ethnicity. If anything, I felt that my ethnicity made me disadvantaged or judged. 

Don’t take this wrong at all – I am 1000% supportive and all about girl power & womanhood (#menaretrash lol amiright?). And I am well aware that there are many groups and advocates for racial equality. So many more are always popping up, especially with all the racial discrimination in our current world. This discrimination & inequality tears me apart, and I wish with all my soul that this hatred & judgement could just end. But you have to understand – I’m speaking from the point of view of someone who is biracial. Someone who has never truly belonged to any race. And though when I was younger I would proudly proclaim that I’m half Chinese, I’ve come to realize that being half isn’t enough. I’m never Asian enough, yet I’m also not truly white enough. And so wherever I’ve lived, I’ve always felt a minority.

There are many people out there who can relate to this dilemma of being torn between cultures – even if you’re technically one race but grew up in a different culture. I think anyone who identifies as “multicultural” would be able to identify with these feelings (at least I hope I’m not alone in them lol).

I was raised in San Francisco amongst a large Chinese population, which taught me so much about my own culture. Yet, I was clearly not fully Chinese and still couldn’t be accepted truly as a member of this population: I stood out as white; I was a minority. Then I moved to southern California, where I was surrounded by mainly white culture. So again, I felt like a minority: I was this girl with tan skin who ate different food and had an Asian father, but woah wasn’t Mexican which was shocking since my last name means “sea” in Spanish. . .

So where does all this put me? What race am I really? Do I even belong to any sort of social grouping? For me, I’ve learned that yes, my ethnicity plays a huge part in who I am and where I come from. However, I’ve learned that my identity is how I choose to define myself. Who I claim to be and what I want to be connected with. And I want to be proud of both my Chinese and American heritage. I guess I’m still navigating exactly what all of that means.

I don’t really have one wrapped up point to say on this. And I don’t want to be starting any arguments. Just word vomiting here, and trying to increase awareness that how you act towards others, and what you say to them matters. It sticks, and it has so much power to hurt.

My entire life I’ve heard a plethora of jokes on Asian culture. I know that when many people make these comments, they aren’t actually intending to hurt people. But, sometimes they do. It could just be the wrong day at the wrong time, or it could just be the constant pile up of jokes someone hears and takes it as a jab at who they are and where they come from (factors which they never chose for themselves). Whether or not you’re “just messing” and being “funny”, think about where these jokes are really coming from. Because these are the little comments which instigate discrimination. Whether their comments about someone’s race, ethnicity, sexuality, religion, etc. I know this may sound extreme but I say it because I’ve experienced it. All these comments, these “jokes”, are some of the factors which lead to people questioning their identity. It draws people away from their culture and makes them feel ashamed.

My goal in sharing all this is to increase some more awareness. Awareness for us all to think BEFORE speaking or judging. And instead of letting fear or ignorance drive our perceptions, we should learn about others and their cultures. I hope that by doing this, it will lead us to communicate with each other better and overall love each other with more respect. Because no one should feel ashamed of who they are and where they’ve come from.

Of course, we can all hope and pray and send good vibes, waiting for an end to all this judgement & discrimination. But until we make little changes as individuals, society will not change. However, my hope is that you will.

Thanks for reading this rant all the way through. Know that no matter who you are and no matter what way you identify, you deserve to be respected & loved for it. I hope that in the future this is a reality you can KNOW and FEEL each and every day. May we all be a part of bringing this future into the present.