Two months into the new decade, and I honestly feel like I’ve spent most of 2020 internally fighting. A constant pull to stay positive and see the good in every day. A constant yearning for peace which has felt unattainable all the while feeling a grasp away.

I’ve doubted myself daily and have had multiple fleeting moments between perseverance and wanting to give up. I felt so helpless and so confused. Yet, there have been blessings, and many good things. Already so many joyful memories. This year has really just felt like a conundrum. 

There have been so many things in my own personal life, and things which have impacted my family and friends that have made my heart heavy. Things out of my control that I wish so badly I could fix. But I can’t. And that hurts so much.

All I can do is keep trying to maintain balance in my life. But I’ve found that as I’ve attempted to do so, the mental, physical and spiritual aspects of my life have remained stagnant. It all just seems too chaotic. 

Most of this is because I keep prioritizing the wrong things. I keep trying to chase after fleeting moments and things which only bring me temporary happiness. So when I awake the next day, I’m back in my slump. I’ve realized that a lot of this is because I’ve been putting other aspects of my health and well-being before the most important part: my spiritual well-being. My mental health and physical health cannot flourish if I have not rejuvenated my spirit.

So here I am, slowly working my way back to pouring into my spiritual health. Abiding in my personal faith and my God. And remembering how to love myself again.

In the most recent issue from Creative Impact Co., there is an article written by Kristin Savage about writing yourself a love letter. A beautiful act of self love to encourage and build yourself up; because we never talk to our friends the way we talk to ourselves. Reading this article made me realize how much self love and grace I have been lacking since the beginning of this year. With each little trial, much of my own self confidence gradually depleted. I no longer had the stamina to love myself well, nonetheless others.

After reading this article, I decided to partake in this act of self love and write myself a love letter. I’ve re-read it over and over to build myself back up and remind myself of my purpose. Of my strength. And though I’m not completely healed by just reading it, it has certainly given me the boost to keep moving forward. It has reminded me that every step counts.

I wanted to share this letter to everyone. I wanted to publicize these words for anyone out there who needs to hear them. Because I know I’m not the only one going through hard times. But I do know that whatever is going on, we can do it. We just need to start by loving ourselves some more and receiving the grace that is offered to us.

Dear one, 
You are so so worthy.
You are strong.
You are capable.
There has been nothing in this life that has stopped you yet,
So why stop now?
Hold on. This pain ends.

Smile. 
There is so much joy to celebrate in each and every day.
There is so much happiness yet to be discovered.
You are deeply loved. 
Loved by the Creator. 
Loved by family and friends.
They see how magnificent and beautiful you are; 
Allow your eyes to see the same thing.

You have so much potential.
And the world is waiting for this potential to unfold. 
Let go. Let your soul run wild.
You were made for this life. 
Made to bring more goodness into the world.
Hear that: YOU bring good into this world.
The world needs you and is a better place with you in it.
So do not waste another day in disbelief.
Have faith and be confident in yourself.
Do not let the enemies of this world bring you down.
You have not failed. 
You have not been forgotten.
Life simply comes and goes in all its ever-changing states.
You cannot control this, and you aren’t meant to.
So keep doing your thing.
Keep showing the world who you are,
In all your successes and in all the mess.

Love overflows inside of you.
This selfless love is appreciated, but don’t forget to love yourself, too. 
You have a plethora of gifts.
Do not let fear or doubt keep these gifts locked up.
Remember how brilliant, tough, and beautiful you are - inside & out.
There is so much more in store for you.
Pick your head up, move your feet forward, 
Even if it’s just an inch.
Because soon you will look back and realize,
How far you have come.
Many steps, many miles later,
You have made it;
Made it to the top of this mountain.

And my dear, 
The view is breathtaking.
You did it.
You CAN do it. 
You WILL.

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Some songs I’ve found comforting and encouraging during this time of waiting & healing:

“Thy Will” by Hillary Scott & The Scott Family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAmh3yvmzXs

“Rescue” by Lauren Daigle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYR0xP1j4PY

“Remember” by Bryan & Katie Torwalt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TM-daXqYAA

“Broken & Beautiful” by Kelly Clarkson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT-i9iK13S0

“He’s Got A Plan” by Hector Gabriel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-9C48GWnDQ

“Take Courage” by Kristene DiMarco https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r49V9QcYheQ

Feel free to share in the comments which songs which you’ve found encouraging during hard times x